Pavel Corut "Ne-om intalni in cer"

"... Cel mai cumplit frig nu este cel al iernii. Cel mai cumplit frig e cel din suflet, cand moare dragostea si speranta...
...I-ar fi srutat si urma pasilor, si ultimul capat de vesmant...
...Trecutul apasa ca un mort de care nu trebuie sa pomenesti dar despre care nu te poti minti ca nu exista...
...In dragoste, fiecare isi ia licenta si doctoratul pe cont propriu, fara a plagia. Nu pentru ca n-ar vrea. Nu se poate. Fiecare poveste de dragoste in parte este un unicat, impsibil de copiat sau imitat...
...Acesta e avantajul barbatilor: se pot lecui mai usor, cu o alta femeie. In cazul femeilor, procedeul nu da rezultate decat rareori. Au o constructie mai complicata, cu inclinatii psiho-sentimentale mai profunde...
...N-o sa ma impiedice nimic. Nici macar sentimentele. Sunt prea saraca pentru a-mi permite luxul unor sentimente(Luciana)...

Ploua cu stele peste noi,
Ardeam in ele goi si sfinti,
Sub mangaierea blandei ploi,
Noi ne visam strabuni, parinti.

Dar astrul ploi' a asfintit,
Pribegi il cautam prin Cer,
Eu n-am ramas, tu m-ai mintit,
Iar intre noi, pustiu si ger...
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Cu bratele intinse,
Eu vreau sa ma primesti,
Caci vom intra in vise
Si-om deveni povesti.

Aceasta ne e soarta,
S-ajungem semn de flamuri,
Caci vom deschide poarta
Si pacea intre neamuri...
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...Iubirea mea,
In lumea noastra, traim o singura viata si aceea foarte scurta. Mi-am dorit s-o traiesc cu tine si pentru tine. N-ai vrut sau n-ai putut. Nu-ti port pica si te iubesc inainte. Asa a fost soarta mea. N-ai fost una din sirul de femei care au trecut prin viata mea. Ai fost si ai ramas Ea, unica, fara rivala. Poate ca mai tarziu, cand vei suferi ca mine, vei intelege ce-am vrut sa-ti spun. Iti doresc fericire in viata! Eu nu te voi deranja niciodata. Cand vei avea nevoie de mine, sa ma cauti! Voi veni cu acelasi suflet cu care m-ai lasat.
R.
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Sa strigi, iubito, sa te-aud,
Ca lumea noastra-i in dureri,
Ca, sub destinul rau si crud,
N-avem nici timp de invieri,
N-avem nici vreme sa iubim,
Nu vezi sperantele cum pier,
Cum inseram si asfintim?
Ne-om intalni, iubito-n Cer....

This book kept me awake until two o’clock in the morning, but I don’t regret this, was a great book. All I wrote up is from this book…I know I didn’t translate it in English but I respect very much the author and I want to write his one words, for me this seems to be fair…

The Requiem felt all my week with good thoughts and today I will go to see “Swan Lake” performance…I am waiting this hungrily! ...

I just found out that we won’t work tomorrow and Wednesday (May 3 rd) and this pleasure me because we will have a longer vacation (a long Easter) ….so for all that celebrate Easter this weekend I wishing: Happy Easter!!!

No major events

I had a great weekend I must say! In this weekend our religion had celebrate one saint (Saint Gheorghe) and Sunday of Florii, so we partied all weekend. Saturday we “walk” from a club into another (he he he!!!) and laugh and drunk and Sunday we had culture night so we went to the national Opera of Bucharest and saw the performance Requiem by Giuseppe Verdi, absolutely marvelous…
Yesterday I went on my cousin house and we chat, chat and chat a lot (he he he!!!), we ate fried potatoes and we drunk juice, was a nice evening…no major events, only fun…
I start reading another book: Pavel Corut “We will meet in the sky “

Flowers

It is so could outside like the autumn is coming and not spring, the rain gives me a fig of sleep... Everyday in my work way I get by a flower shop and the flowers are outside so they spread a lovely smell…I think then at an important question in my life: Why man bring flower to woman only at the beginning of relationship?...for me this is a big question because I prefer flowers instead of expensive gifts, I don’t ask bouquets, only one flower and is enough to make me happy. Maybe I saw to many movies where man brings flower and chocolate to woman, but I consider this to be an important thing, not everyday to bring but once in a week…the man with I spent three years from my life brought me less flowers than I remember…I like man to be spontaneous, to do unpremeditated things, to surprise me in different good ways and the most important to have initiative…
….Flowers, flowers, flowers…



“Over 1200 people were eviction and almost 2000 people are hard-hit. Water levels recorded these days of nightmare historical numbers (high water mark), especially on rivers Timis, Bega and Barzava. The proportion of disaster: 94 localities (villages, parishes, cities and municipalities) had been affected by flood; almost 12.500 hectares of land are under water; over 5.200 houses and households with annexes are flooded” like this sounds an article in a local newspaper that gave me cold trembling …

Sad things!

Yesterday when I reach to my home I opened the TV to see the news, I was just petrified to see what waters can do, in Timis, rivers go out from their channels and destroyed everything they met in their way. People lost everything they had…fireman came with wheeled tractors to help old woman and man to leave their houses and took them in shelters until the danger passes. In the middle of the village water was so high; it passes from half of a tractor wheel, everything was covered by waters…I watched and I cried for people handful…I am still thinking of this disaster…Words are needless to describe what I saw…

Funny nigth!

Last night I was in a Club (Actors Coffee House). Was Karaoke night and I spent such a great night…uuu mama! … we sang, we laughed, we dance…I had no courage to sing and I drank a martini and my cousin insisted to put us on the sing list, when we finally decided what will sing and we go to put us on the list, in front of us were a lot of people on the list…until our turn came we sang with the rest of the people and our voice hoarsen…so, when our turn came we just simply heehaw (he he he!), we had luck that was too late and the club was almost empty…for us didn’t matter… but we had such a great time…he he he!!!!...We felt so good that promised to do from this a weekly habit…So be it!…

Nice weekend !

I had a wonderful weekend…I had been with my friends (I know this girls for about 9 years but we cool down our relationships, I don’t know why but now I just want to re-establish our relationships…we had great times together in the past and it is time to have again ) and we gossiped, we played card, we walked, had barbeque and we laughed a lot…we felt so good and because of this (and their parents wont be at home next weekend) we decided to do the girls party in pajamas…I wait this impatiently…I met my cousin and we have a few drinks and I felt very good with her…this weekend I felt that I was alive again…

...”Love is like an antique vase. It is hard to find, hard to net, but easy to brake”…

“I” send me a photo with him on his new motorbike (a red Kawasaki)…he looks sexy and cool on it but really doesn’t matter for me anymore…I am happy for him because his dream comes true, but just this and nothing more…
…and another decision I had taken: never call my buddy (the one with white Tico car)…

Hardest Things in Love:

- flashing your smile to someone you don’t want to see;
- bringing back the feeling you’ve learned to forget;
- showing that you care;
- finding a way to mend a broken heart;
- learning that you’ve been used by someone you truly love;
- saying “I love you” when you mean it and when you don’t;
- letting go of a person you’ve just learned to love;
- realizing that you love somebody you’ve just taken for granted;
- realizing that you love the person you’ve just broken up with;
- waiting for promises you know he (she) will never keep;
- saying your love for someone who loves somebody else;
- reminiscing the good times you shared together;
- shielding your heart to love somebody;
- trying to hide what you really feel;
- having a commitment with someone that you know would not last;
- trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes;
- sharing the one you love with someone else;
- loving a person too much;
- giving up someone you never thought of giving up;
- falling in love for the first time;
- loving someone you haven’t seen;
- having the right love at the wrong time;
- exerting effort to make the relationship last or work;
- hiding your relationship from someone else;
- controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend;
- choosing between two persons whom you really love;
- finding out that you can never have the person you just let go of back;Seeing the person you love with someone else

New life

Today I said ENOUGH with past, with hurts, with bad thinking, with everything that made my life so miserable … today I start a new life, a life full of happiness, of joy, of good thinking…it is time for me to move on…why to hurt my hart and my feelings with things that really doesn’t matter? Why to suffer after people that they think only on them, only on their life and good? We have only ONE LIFE and this is too short to do whatever we want to do, so why I have to loose my precious time? ...TODAY IS MY RECONSTRUCTION DAY … I won’t do bad things to people but I will treat them exactly how they treat me… no more pain, no more crying nights, no more living in the past…IT IS TIME TO RESPECT MY ONE LIFE…

Amintiri

Astazi am vorbit la telefon cu cel care mi-a facut inima sa zboare, trebuie sa marturisesc ca m-am gandit mult in ultimul timp la el, mai ales ca am dat peste un CD cu fotografii facute impreuna in parc si bineinteles ca m-au rascolit...a fost singura persoana alaturi de care am vrut sa-mi petrec restul zilelor(poate ca am mai precizat asta odata)...nu a fost sa fie...este expresia cea mai potrivita atunci cand lucrurile nu stau asa cum am vrea...Mi-a spus ca maine isi va cumpara motor,ma bucur foarte mult pentru el stiu cat de mult si-a dorit acest lucru - un vis devine realitate pentru el - nu stiu de ce ma mai chinuie amintirile legate de el,ar trebui sa las trecutul si sa ma gandesc la viitor...poate ca prezentul ma face sa ma gandesc la trecut (la el),deoarece m-am speriat cand am realizat ca nu m-am simtit langa nici un barbat asa cum m-am simtit langa el...ideile,gandurile toate sunt intr-o invalmaseala totala,mintea imi este invaluita in ceata si nu vad lumina nici a unui far...viitorul nici atat...poate peste un timp am sa scriu despre fericirile mele si toate aceste lucruri vor fi ramas doar ca niste simple zile pline de amaraciune si deznadejde...POATE...
...am vorbit cu o fosta colega de facultate aseara(cu N),care mi-a spus ca a avut un accident cu masina,a incercat sa evite un caine care i-a iesit in fata si din sperietura a tras dreapta de volan si a intrat intr-un copac lovindu-se la buza si la barbie...nu a reusit sa-mi povesteasca prea multe pentru ca i se termina bateria la telefon,sper sa reusesc sa vorbesc cu ea astazi...imi pare atat de rau de ea...Numai despre accidente aud in ultima vreme,pentru ca astazi am vorbit si cu o prietena(A) care mi-a spus ca J a avut si ea accident de masina,dar ca nu are nimic grav...Multumesc lui Dumnezeu ca este totul bine,chiar ma doare cand aud astfel de vesti...

If

…If we manage to give up in five minutes on things and people without resentfulness, how good will be…but I can’t no matter how hard I try…
…these days I were very disappointed by people around me, I don’t think is fare to accuse (mistrust) someone without having a real proof …these are the people, maybe I expect to much on them, or who knows?...I get at the conclusion that in my relation with people I have to use more often the word “WHATEVER”…People always drew down misery and probably nothing or no one will stop them to do it in the future, so I just have to manage to blow off their malice…
…I start to read again books (stopped for two weeks), and this make me feel better; now I am reading Thomas Hardy – “Romance in a tower” …

…I didn’t do solecisms or I become boring? … No comment from my anonymous (bashinik)…

…if I could give up, I will be happy…

Amy Brown

Today, on the net i found an interesting site: www.amybrownart.com ...she draws divine...i liked it very much...

....Fears...

Coming Home


You are coming home at night:
you pass from light to light,
walking around the block,
and your shadow swings to the right
the way a second hand
goes round a modern clock,
and other shadows, bound
to your footsteps, climb the walls,
or jerk along the pavement,
and some contrast and darken,
others lengthen and fade.

The lights are various loves
by whom you find your way,
by whom you see and move:
they lend you guidance, they
enable you to find
not only house and door,
and wall and window-blind,
but something less and more,
your image, multiplied,
cast for your gaze, and thrown
distorted, but your own.

And what you need the most,
O walker in the night,
is to continue, sure
the self is always right,
and neither caricature,
nor unavailing ghost.

And if a light is broken,
if one of them goes out,
as well they may, of course,
and substance takes from shadow
its absolute divorce,
be reassured, in darkness,
the self is never lost.

Rolfe Humphries

...another week is ending and my weekend will be the same as other that passed, bouring and full of fears...
....maybe i am like every other woman you have ever passed on the street but never took notice of, full of new thoughts and ideas, while sometimes quiet and contemplative; I have had great losses and wonderful wins, moments I have wanted to save in time and times I'd like to forgot...

Silence

...If I were asked to name my fears one by one, I could tell them easily to an empty room with no need for any subterfuge at all. Everything inside my head would tumble out in a great big wash of words, like a river flowing from my mouth. And it would go on and on at great lengths until at last there was nothing left to say, no secrets to keep, no hurts too raw to mention, no one thing to put up its hands and stop me on my way...
...And yet I have told this empty room more times that I have ever dared to count, adding this baggage to my house, where even the walls have been taught to keep their council ... They know me far better than I would have them know me, having tasted the salt from my tears and listened to them fall much like a lover unable to offer more than its own four walls...
...But my needs do not reduce. If anything I find myself needing more. Much like the captain of my own small ship scanning the darkness hoping to find welcoming light of a beacon and a safe harbor to sail into. But here I am adrift despite floating on a calm, cold sea and I can see for miles. But everything of what I see is everything of what I've already known, and my progress is impeded... I am rallying myself to do what needs to be done. To seek guidance from those much wiser than myself and my years of talking to walls with no hopes of being heard. I must kill this silence in me before this silence can do more to tear me apart. Bravely walking to a new future where ghosts of the past won't be allowed to continue their haunting. And I must be uncomfortable, far outside my comfort zone to accomplish my task. For if I must trade one mask for another, I choose to put my brave face on...

...for all of this i must say something that i really love:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

And another favorite ...

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda Radner

...the end...

Fears

In the words of Lucille Clifton

there is a girl inside
she is randy as a wolf
she will not walk away
and leave these bones
to an old woman.

She is a green tree
in a forest of kindling
she is a green girl
in a used poet.

She has waited
patient as a nun
for the second coming
when she can break through gray hairs into blossom.

And her lovers will harvest honey and thyme
and the woods will be wild
with the damn wonder of it.

without

..."One candle dont loose nothing if it kindles another candle"...

...Anonymous....

One thing surprised me, another person is reading my blogger and criticize how I write in English …this is good for me, is constructive, I will improve my English…and really this criticizes doesn’t bother me, actually reminds me what my grandmother said to me: if people speak about you this mean that you exist and you are not a common woman, this has to make you happy even if they speak about you with bad words…so thank you for your comments, anonymous man or woman…

….last night I had a depressive moment, I just listen music( my old tape with Marc Antony) and cried…I remembered that I lost the only man I have ever loved, the only man that made me fly, that made my hart burned in big flames…and now I am so alone…
…Formerly I said to a colleague of mine that our happiness wont have to be based on men…that we can be happy with or without them, but now I have to say this is not true, this was totally wrong…I need a man beside me to love me, to treat me kind, but above this is my need to love, to give what is best in me for him, to have again the feeling that he is the most important person in the whole world…
…maybe I have to blame spring for my behavior or…I don’t know who or what…or maybe is just me…
…for the Easter period I received an invitation to go in Italy, I don’t know what to do…I don’t know how many free days I will have…I just don’t know…I have to think twice on this problem….

...another monday day...

....Home was great with my parents...my nephew made five years old and we celebrate his birthday,he was so happy and so were we...for me this days were great,full of love,happiness and good time for my soul...i take my exam,so i have two things to feel great...