...Doubts...

Saturday night I were mounting the stairs to the flat I am staying alone for a year… my legs hurt me very bad, because other shoes I wear past days doesn’t feat right. I were coming home after a night spent with a man I hadn’t seen for a long time, his phone surprised me, in a good way…the night begun well…he looked very well and his behavior was lovely, like a real gentleman… he present me his new car and he droved me in the city, he want us to go in M.C (a club with live music)…we arrived there too early, so he invited me to eat something, so we go to eat pizza in A.C, I didn’t want, it were to late for me to eat…because we left the car to far we decided to walk until there, the weather was excellent, we laugh very much, we talk, we kiss… After a wile we decided to return to M.C, there we didn’t find any empty sits, so we decided to go in another place, we didn’t know where so he took me about the car for a long time in the city…and finally we decided to go in D…There us staid for short time because he go outside of the bar to speak on the phone, and when he came back he was more dead than alive, I asked him what happened but he responded me that he doesn’t want to speak about this, and that for him are bad news. For that moment nothing was the same, he changed completely, with 360 degrees… I tried to do something to make him feel better but everything was in vane, the rest of the night was lost. I tried to understand him, but I think I didn’t deserve this treatment, no matter the reasons were, but this is life…
…and when I were mounting the stairs I thought that I never did something out of commune(extravagant) like to walk with empty foots when I feel pain in my legs, or to sing and dance in the rain (even if the rain was in the summer) or other things…I always were a person that think too munch before doing a thing, to serious, I realized I never knew to join my life, to appreciate every moment , every person beside me…I NEVER KNEW TO LIVE MY LIFE AS IT WERE THE LAST MOMENT…
I need to change, I need something or someone new in my life that can show me I can spend (join) my life in different ways…